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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Coffee Date back dated to February

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Coffee Date back dated to February

I was utterly forgetful today, shocking to you I know. I was supposed to meet someone and pick up a textbook this afternoon and I totally forgot and then was late picking it up when I realised then I followed this up by being an hour late to a coffee date with my sister, which was not too bad as she was just at home but on the way I took the wrong turn

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Date with a Sissy

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Date with a Sissy

So I met Sissy and over dinner, we chatted and got to know each other. Just a nice guy with a family and grown-up kids, a grandfather actually, lol and at 45 no less. It made me think of my three and I am glad they are not having children yet.

After, I brought him back to my place for a little play and while he had offered to be a bull and that

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Uh…

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Uh…

I miss R, I am tired and stressed, I am being lax-a-daisy with my study and I want my place back to myself at night. I love M but I am looking forward to them going home tomorrow.

I haven’t gone to the gym either and I feel fat and unmotivated, not a good mindset in combination with study either.

Supposedly I am meeting Sissy tomorrow for drinks and dinner and even that does not

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Blog:The Silent Wave- (My) Autism ~ Stripping the pipelines

Blog:The Silent Wave- (My) Autism ~ Stripping the pipelines

I suppose I’ve been in sort of a cocoon lately.  To transform into what, I don’t quite know yet.  I’m not even exactly certain that that’s what I’ve been doing.  But, that’s what it feels like at times.  Alexithymia is multi-dimensional, I guess; I’m not sure it’s limited to emotions.  In fact, it might pertain to multiple areas of thought and feeling.  Especially when thoughts and feelings blur.

Thoughts these days.

I’m also not sure

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Blog:The Other Side- The art world is Social

Blog:The Other Side- The art world is Social

The title for this blog post is a quote which comes from an article published by Shape Arts called How to Get an Exhibition. It’s an article “adapted to suit disabled artists and sit alongside Shape’s own resources…”

I’ll quote a fuller excerpt,

“The art world is Social and I’m capitalising that because frankly you’re not getting anywhere making art in isolation. No-one is going to come knocking if no-one knows who you are. You

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Labels

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Labels

There is something about not fitting yourself into a label that defies those around you. From inside the womb your parents and Dr’s label you, you are labelled by your gender. And as we grow it does not stop there, in our childhood we are labelled bossy, mean, bully, crybaby. We are labelled by our looks and what society thinks is important such as handsome, beautiful, pretty, effeminate, masculine,  ugly, old, young. In a

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Sleep

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Sleep

Sleep has been just about non existent for me, I was awake late till 12 or later and awake staring at the ceiling at 3 am. It is now 5 am and I have given up on the Sandman, bastard that he is.

The thing is with all the wonderful sleep I’ve been getting the past week of averaging 10 hours I thought that was going to continue, alas no.

My middle child has ended

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Chatter

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Chatter

My middle child has come to stay for two nights and it was so nice to just spend time with them. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed living with them until I opened the door. They are non binary, which is why I do not use gender pronouns. They are in the city for a QUEER convention till Friday, so two nights with me, two nights with their older sibling or the youngest.

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Blog:The Other Side- Autism, masking and ageing. A personal view.

Blog:The Other Side- Autism, masking and ageing. A personal view.

Recently at work in my studio – exploring images of childhood in film.

This post  is about both ageing and masking. Masking can be a difficult subject as some autistics can’t mask their autism, and those of us who can often wish we didn’t have to, and yet we may depend on masking to get by. Masking overall is not really a choice though in some circumstances we can chose to unmask ourselves. We may

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Walk Away

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Walk Away

Pandora has a love of fine art and we bought this print even though I couldn’t afford it. Pandora and Carnal never think about money, gahhh.

This painting was called Judith by Gustav Klimt, I think he is one of Pandora’s favourite artists. I will get it framed once I can afford it. Pffst.

Boi walked Friday and while I was hurt I could understand his viewpoint but it was with regret I watched

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- I see you

Blog:The Secret Aspie- I see you

Pandora is amused, she said she should have bet me about R coming back as he did and it only took a couple of days, which is amusing I have to say. He has become addicted to me humiliating and degrading him, and there is nothing I like more than someone being that addicted to me.

I have come to accept that while he doesn’t want my love and is actually falling in love

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Exhaustion

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Exhaustion

I am physically tired and mentally exhausted, and I slept 11 hours last night, no study yesterday as I saw my youngest in the morning and then in the afternoon I lost time on the internet and managed to spend $75 I couldn’t afford, followed by spending the rest of the day trying to fix a glitch on my laptop as it had been driving me crazy for months with no luck, what a waste

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- “I refuse to be any member of a club that would have me”

Blog:The Secret Aspie- “I refuse to be any member of a club that would have me”

Groucho Marx said ” I refuse to be any member of a club that would have me” and this is R to a T. There is something so inspiring about someone who lives such an authentic life. He does not live it for others but truly lives as he wishes and desires. And I find such beauty in that because that is what I have always wanted. But I have let fear and others judge

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- The One

Blog:The Secret Aspie- The One

I sat in my car waiting patiently, the cold night air was refreshing and the moon glowed like a warm light in the darkness of the sky. I breathed in deeply, smelling the dew already on the grass. It was midnight and my heart thrummed with excitement. I saw him walking towards me in the distance, his head down and wearing his usual winter warm clothes of a hoodie and tracksuit, makes me smile

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- In this moment, this is me

Blog:The Secret Aspie- In this moment, this is me

It hurts that no one can see what I see in him, but it’s not just that, it’s that they do not believe in me. It’s like they just think I’m an idiot and that I do not learn from my past mistakes.

It hurts that they think someone who lives the lifestyle he does would not be interested in me or think I was of worth.

The thing is I do have value,

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Blog:Pharaohs World!- I seem to have become distracted…….by nothing.

Blog:Pharaohs World!- I seem to have become distracted…….by nothing.

Bad me.

Haven’t blogged in ages and yes, entirely my fault. Half a year gone and I feel as though no progress has been made. Anywhere.

Not strictly true that. I’ve been to the pain clinic twice and been lectured on nerves and pain sensors. I’ve also been given homework to do, dims and sims, which, whilst interesting in a “not really but has to be done way”, only shows up all the negatives swamping

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