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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Make Me Burn

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Make Me Burn

I feel a sense of excitement this morning because even though I pine over R, I have not let that stop me in other areas of my life and that goes for finding lovers, I still have three prospects waiting in the wings, who seem decent and I look forward to meeting them for coffee, etc after my move to the city.

I do not see any point in trying to meet them

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Teeny Tiny House

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Teeny Tiny House

Moving to the city cannot come soon enough, 11 days until I pick up the keys and go and explore my new resting place. It is hard to judge what it will look like with your own belongings inside it. When the real estate led all the hopefuls through there was still a tenant living there. So until I get the keys and do some measuring I will not know if the desk

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- When you love with every part if your soul love hurts

Blog:The Secret Aspie- When you love with every part if your soul love hurts

Tonight my heart aches, it is lonely, I miss R, I miss his voice, I miss… Him.

If you think you cannot fall in love, at first sight, you are sadly mistaken, with R, it was his voice, everything else followed.

Each day that passes when I do not hear from him my heart hurts, and each day is an eternity. I try and fill my day with other things but there is

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Early days

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Early days

At school I would watch the other children, I had my favourites who were nice to me. But I never played with anyone.

I felt too awkward and it was a struggle to speak to my own family let alone other children. There was one little boy when I was 9, he would always ask me in passing how many books I had read that day, smiling as he did so. It was well

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Blog:The Other Side- Strange Transmissions – taking my work to Spain.

Blog:The Other Side- Strange Transmissions – taking my work to Spain.

(Still from my new film called, With You, featuring my father José García Lora & the gardener’s son at the Old Prebendal House, Shipton-under-Wychwood.)

Life’s a bit full on at the moment, but in infinitely good and exciting ways. My work with Overtone Productions for the Radio 4 programme, The Art of Now: Return to Catalonia, continues apace and is all consuming, partly because we have such a short window in which to make

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Blog:Paginated Thoughts- Prejudice after mass shootings is a well-defined pattern

Blog:Paginated Thoughts- Prejudice after mass shootings is a well-defined pattern

Alternate Title: This autistic with mental health disabilities would like others to develop better pattern recognition skills.

Image text:You say I am repeatingSomething I have said before. I shall say it again.Shall I say it again? -From T.S. Eliot’s “Four Quartets,” Part II: East Coker

I have an inordinate fondness of T.S. Eliot’s poetry. I have significantly less fondness of repeatedly having to tell people to stop blaming mental health for mass shootings. But yes, I shall say

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Fearless

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Fearless

It is 230am and it is too warm to sleep. I miss my headspace, I ache to feel me, I miss the me I am that R brings out in me. It has been too long and I am an addict who is way past the withdrawal symptoms…

I feel close to it at times but I need a trigger.

It flows like honeyed fire through my veins so easily when I have anything

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Tired of the Dream

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Tired of the Dream

There is something to be said for letting go of a dream. I have let go of R… in that I have let go of the expectations that I wanted from him. I feel easier in myself, if I am what he wants he will make it happen, I am tired of trying so hard. I get all worked up over nothing and all I do is get stressed and worried. I do not

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Blog:Pharaohs World!- Isn't free speech and thought allowed in Autism ?

Blog:Pharaohs World!- Isn't free speech and thought allowed in Autism ?

Well thanks Autistic community!.

Thanks for making me feel like shit!.

Just because I don’t go along with your stance 100% of the time.

Just because I can see both sides and haven’t fallen into the trap of believing anyone who says something that might cause consternation amongst the Autistic community should be automatically “struck off” or damned.

It’s an opinion.

It might be misguided; totally wrong; laughable and yes, occasionally deeply damaging.

And it

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- 'How many of us stop short of success on purpose? How many of us sabotage our own happiness because failure, while miserable, is a fear we're familiar with?'

Blog:The Secret Aspie- 'How many of us stop short of success on purpose? How many of us sabotage our own happiness because failure, while miserable, is a fear we're familiar with?'

I have fears. One most of us are familiar with, a fear of failure, the second of not being good enough, what terrified me as a child and still does deep down inside me is the fear that my father was right, that I am horrible, that people will see through the lie that I have created and see this truth that he told me.

I know I am not, I know him telling

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Apartment Update

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Apartment Update

So, all the paperwork is done, the bond payment paid and organised, all I have to do on the 28th is pick up the keys from the real estate. These next two weeks are going to go so slowly I just know it.

I am wondering how social I have to be with the other tenants. I am hoping not at all, lol. The less they know about me the better I think.

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Blog:The Silent Wave- Adventures in awkward [autistic poetry]

Blog:The Silent Wave- Adventures in awkward [autistic poetry]

Today was another day in which I felt inspired to “rewrite” my own “lyrics” to an existing song.  I’ve been working a lot, including most of the day today, and yet, an obscure little song whispered out to me, first nibbling around the edges, then growing more incessantly, until I got home this afternoon, at which point it consumed my core.

Today’s “lyrics” stem from the concept of my Asperger’s/autism and the ever-present reality of

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Time

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Time

At times I forget how far I have come from who I used to be. I am someone who very much believes in self-improvement. Knowing where I am heading in my life, plans, goals, are always what shore up my confidence in my own abilities.

For so long the others would do things for me and you get used to it. You get used to hiding.

I forget that even though I had the

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Blog:Pharaohs World!- Autism Cures ? Not for me thank you!

Blog:Pharaohs World!- Autism Cures ? Not for me thank you!

Please stop trying to change me.

I read about potential “cures” for Autism with a heavy heart. The very notion that you would want to cure something that is you seems completely alien to me. Why would you want to alter yourself in a way that denies yourself the truth of your very existence ?.

Of course we look at cures as a way of treating bad stuff.

So, is Autism bad ?. Is your

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Control

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Control

There has been a thought on the edge of my mind lately and I wanted to expand on it. Why do I need to have a feeling of control?

I am not sure if it is a feeling of being in control or just knowing that things are set out a certain way and me having the knowledge of what the outcome will be.

I grew up in fear for many years and

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- 'Never give up on anything that you cannot go a day without thinking about'

Blog:The Secret Aspie- 'Never give up on anything that you cannot go a day without thinking about'

I mainly write so I can have a better understanding of various aspects of my life and yet at the moment, the writing does not flow easily. It is a struggle because I am still feeling down, and that has left me feeling less confident in who I am and as confidence is something I used to struggle with it is hard not to slip into the old thought patterns. It doesn’t help

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Blog:The Secret Aspie- Dorinda a grizzly longer answer.

Blog:The Secret Aspie- Dorinda a grizzly longer answer.

R and I are still fairly new to each other but we both know who we are. Denial is a big part of our dynamic. Plus the reality is that he is not big in that department and could not satisfy me so we both started out knowing it was never going to happen. Do I torment and tease him? Yes. Would I let him have a release? At times, yes.Castration for both R

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